This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
