you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
