so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
