hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize