"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
