I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
