oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
