So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize