some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
