Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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