he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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