at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Michael Bay diarrhea
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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