isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
