Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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