I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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