remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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