I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
