i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
