there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
