all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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