i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
false alarm, still single
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize