So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
