dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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