the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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