I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
