Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
