i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
