i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
