We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
