sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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