Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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