Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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