when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
