Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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