Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
