we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
me + whiskey = a bad person
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
