How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
