butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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