found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
