take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
