I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
