She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize