her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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