did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
