So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize