According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's always time for handjobs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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