i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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