Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
