Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
