I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize