Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
