he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
