just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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