this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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