Me. At least after what I've been through.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
