I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize