First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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