Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
