you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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