Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize