I hate all girls vehemently.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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