Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
