I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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